I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
we should paint friendship bongs
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