OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
