you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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