I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
