Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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