Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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