This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
