Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
