So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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