he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
