Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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