my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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