Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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