I just made out with a guy for $7.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
