Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
