I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
