we're chasing vodka with high fives
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
