she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
