yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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