Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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