how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
