Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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