there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
