i just sent this text using only my big toe
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
