she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
