hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
