you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
