they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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