Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
