she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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