You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
