I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
