No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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