I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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