I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
