I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
