I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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