Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
