Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
