I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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