my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
