I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
