Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
