Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I need moral support for this bender
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I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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