ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
