i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
