dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
