Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
