I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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