Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
