I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
