I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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