I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just cropdusted the office
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
NoShamevember. You game?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
