Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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