Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
