I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
