I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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