I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
