I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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