OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
