Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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