my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i barfeds in our rink
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
