Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
