Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
