Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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