I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
