I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
