At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
