You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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