I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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