he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
