I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
